The Bitter Filling
The air in the small conference room is always 2 degrees too cold. Your manager leans forward, smiling, and the practiced warmth of it doesn’t reach his eyes. ‘The team really values your contributions on the Q2 initiative,’ he begins. Your stomach tightens. Not because of the cold, but because you know this script. This is the overture. This is the slice of stale, flavorless white bread.
You know, with absolute certainty, that the bitter filling is coming next. And you brace for it.
This ritual, lovingly known as the ‘Feedback Sandwich,’ is taught in management seminars from coast to coast. It’s presented as a gentle, humane way to deliver criticism. Praise, then critique, then praise again. A soft cushion to soften the blow. It is also one of the most patronizing, cowardly, and destructive communication tools ever conceived in a corporate offsite. It’s a monument to conflict avoidance, built on a foundation of disrespect.
I say this as someone who has both received it and, I’m ashamed to admit, served it. Years ago, as a new manager terrified of my own shadow, I thought I was being kind. I thought I was protecting my team’s feelings. I would tell someone their report was ‘so thorough and well-researched,’ then slide in the fact that it completely missed the central point of the brief, and quickly follow up with, ‘but your presentation